Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Grand Unification Theory of Tebow

So, this is more or less what I posted at IAOFM today, and is being saved here for all of history because...well I liked it....I personally don't see much humor in X > Y (in this case, X > Tebow), but alas I went this route....

For this math to work you have to assume either

a) The value of Tebow will remain a constant
b) The value of Tebow will never cross a certain threshold.

I mean you could also look at it that the value of Tebow is like some universal constant, like the Speed of Light or the ratio of Unicorns to Leprechauns, but that is a dangerous assumption. I mean if someone were to develop the General Theory of Tebow it is entirely possible that it will run into even more problems then String Theory.

And what if the value of Tebow isn’t a universal constant? How does the value of Tebow react when viewed at the quantum level?

Does the act of observing a Tebow affect the outcome? Can two Tebows interact and affect each other across great distances without ever interacting?

And even more fundamental….what is a unit of Tebow? What is its value?

What happens if you smash two Tebows together at near the speed of light? What are the constituent pieces of a Tebow?

Does a Tebow operate like a wave or an electron or both?

The big problem of determing the value of a Tebow is that first you need to be able to account for all factors that go into determining the composition of a Tebow. The other problem is the “gamer” quality that really makes pure scientific analysis hard(that’s what she said) because as it turns out, a unit of Tebow is not a universal constant, and it is indeed dependent on external influences that affect the results of your measurements.

As we all saw during TC this year, the value of a Tebow in practice != value of a Tebow in game. Hell, the value of a Tebow in game isn’t even a consistent variable!!! A 4th Quarter Tebow can be > 3rd Quarter Tebow, but that equation is not a constant either!

That is why I purpose the following plan of action, we invade one of our many parallel universes (Fringe style baby) and steal their Tebow. We then go to the LHC and accelerate the two separate Tebows to near the speed of light and see what their collisions produce. I mean, we need to get some very clear measurements on the composition of a Tebow before we can start making definitive statements about the value of a Tebow.

Then we run into the problem of determing the relation of the value of Tebow’s constituent elements in comparison to each other. I mean, how do you determine the value of intangibles vs Jockey Briefs? Sticking with the string theory analogy (as we are trying to do develop a Grand Unification Theory of Tebow), I hereby purpose that each individual element of a Tebow is in fact made up of tiny, vibrating Tebows, as such a Tebow is a collection of Tebows(or possibly a collection of Tebows could just be a 2D plane of Tebows….but that gets confusing….).

Once we isolate all of the individual elements of a Tebow, then we can start to determine their value in relation to the other elements of Tebow(somebody make a Periodic Table of the Tebows). Once we understand all of the interactions inherent in a Tebow action, then we can look at some of the other variables you mentioned.

Heck, the more I think about it, The Grand Unification Theory of Tebow is more ambitious then anything else this world has seen, because to determine the equations and values of things like media scuzz cycle, we need to quantifiable determine the value of a Peter King, and how he interacts!

I could be thinking crazy here, but perhaps all matter is made up of Tebows! If that were the case, we could then determine that the all of us are made of Tebow….oh my god….that means…

X > Tebow is a mathematical fallacy because if everything is made of Tebows, then Tebow > Tebow is a logical failure! The only thing that makes any logical sense is that X = Tebow! The only difference between all matter in the universe is the vibration of the faiths of the individual Tebows! Crap! what does the individual shape of a Tebow look like? How many additional dimensions does this new Theory require to make sense? How does it affect gravity?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


-- Jammin with Edward

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